Turns Out It's Not All About Me

 

“If you start to take Vienna – take Vienna!!”

Napoleon Bonaparte – on keeping focused on a goal, applying overwhelming force, and not getting distracted.

 

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Kevin's Update

  Had day 1 of Cycle 4 today. No drama. Enjoyed my new music (thanks family) on my new headphones (thanks work team) all day. 9:45 to 4:45 is a pretty long day. Doc thinks I'm doing well, don't have to have bone marrow biopsy or CT scan. If the nodes are small, he's happy. What happens after 6 cycles (done by New Years) will depend on which path I take going forward: Do Nothing (doubtful); Transplant (not feeling it, but maybe); maintenance drugs (maybe).

 I Am The Center Of The Universe. Just Ask Me.

 This post makes me remember one of my favorite shticks on Saturday Night Live. "Remember, it's about me, Al Franken." The Al Franken Decade (the 80's). Surprisingly hard to find video clips of this on The YouTube or The Google. But it was funny. And apropos. Which is a word you have to work hard to use in a sentence. But I, Kevin Berry, did it. It's about me and my blog, so when you read it, remember to think: "How does my reading this help Kevin Berry? If everything I do doesn't help Kevin Berry, then why am I doing it?"

One of the many sucky things about cancer is that hits private people just as often as outspoken people. One of my "first three things to do when you find out you have cancer" (first sidebar in the book) is "talk about it." Activate your network. But that's hard to do. First, it hurts people to find out you're seriously ill and might die. Telling your kids, parents, siblings, neighbors, friends is maybe more horrible than finding out about it yourself. And, if you're a very private person, used to keeping your feelings and problems inside, it's totally embarrassing to have your personal private business hauled out into the open. Or worse, knowing people are talking about you where you can't hear.

When I give talks about my adventures, there's one story I always tell. Because it's the single most important thing I've learned from having cancer. Turns out it's NOT all about me, Kevin Berry. It's about everybody. 

A good friend, co-worker, and touchy-feely consultant braced me early on. "Kevin," she said, "You can't keep quiet about this. God didn't give you a disease. He gave you a ministry."

Well, let me tell you. I didn't want cancer, but I darned sure didn't want a ministry. Between the two, given a choice, I would have had to think pretty hard. But I got one anyway, without having an actual choice. Through my emails, book, speeches, and dozens of awkward (to me) one on one conversations, I've ministered to more people than I will ever remember or know. And that makes me kind of uncomfortable. Since it makes it about me, Kevin Berry, in a role I don't feel qualified for.

For almost 6 years now, every 3 weeks like clockwork, I get a nibble. "I've got a friend/relative that ...." Well it happened again. Right now. I write and edit for a couple of great robotics magazines, Servo and Robot. One of my authors, a couple of weeks ago, mentioned a medical problem he was having in an email apologizing for a slightly late article. One thing lead to another, he realized he was possibly heading down Avenue "C", I sent him my book. Today, while I'm sitting in the chair, taking one of Doc Levine's Magical Mystery Cures, he emails me. Lung cancer. So I'm in treatment, stoned out of my mind, mainlining benadryl, and counseling a man I know but have never met via email. I directed him to last night's blog post.

And here it gets weirder. In my intro last night, I mentioned that I've never been in the military or combat, so I excused myself from any opinion on courage under fire. Well guess what. This gentleman is a Vietnam vet. And I'm telling him about courage. Proving that God has a sense of humor. And that you have to be very humble when you talk to people, or express opinions. Or basically live in any kind of civilization.

So, if you have cancer, one thing you get is influence over people. If you suffer in silence, and try to hide it, people notice. If you mope around, complaining and whining, you suck the pity out of them PDQ. If you just sort of go with the flow, making it part of your life but not making a big deal about it, people think you're an inspiration. If you attack it, loudly and boldly, say, writing about it and posting on blogs, you'd darned well better be humble and helpful. Because nobody like a braggart. But usually, if you have a helping heart, the openness comes out as caring. That's what I, Kevin Berry, think anyway.

For the record: I don't believe God gives people cancer. I think the World does it to us, based on some abstruse combination (Hey! Kevin Berry used another 6 bit word!) of our misuse of technology, lifestyle, and also the random dance of chromosomes over hundreds of generations. Or maybe it's the Enemy, directly attacking. Fill in your personal theology here.

I do believe, though, that God's best thing is turning bad stuff into good stuff. So if you choose to out yourself, and talk boldly but humbly about your battle, He will leverage the World's attack a hundredfold into bountiful good you'll never know the extent of.

Galatians 6:
⁹ Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary. ¹⁰ So then, while we have opportunity, let us do good to all people